Ok, here is the latest....long-awaited post!
Things have been hectic but I think I have made them that way on purpose. Life is easier when you don't have time to stop and think. I work myself crazy during the day on any project I can find and then throw myself into near dreamless sleep. I have worked a bit for both of my jobs and it felt good to get away and go back to work for a few hours. Cody is driving me insane wanting to know either when we can go see Brooke or when we are getting her a brother or sister. She informed me that she wanted a younger sibling now. She said Brooke taught her everything she needed to know about being a big sister.
The first week home was the hardest. I kept my computer on all day long and half the night for days on end just waiting for some word. We emailed the DSDW and the orphanage and still haven't heard anything back from them. An angel emailed us to let us know she had heard Brooke was doing well. That same angel emailed back again saying she had seen Brooke and gave a few encouraging thoughts for us to consider. Then God sent yet another angel our way. Brooke's English teacher emailed to say she would be teaching Brooke English lessons soon!!! Brooke seems thrilled with the idea but sounds like she would rather come back home. The latest email was the one that had me on my knees sobbing. She said Brooke had seen an airplane and said "Airplane I go to Colorado". And the tears that were just waiting at the surface decided to show themselves w/ a fury.
Every day is pretty much the same for me lately. I keep myself mindlessly and insanely racing here and there, trying to keep my thoughts on the next thing I will be racing to. Cody begs daily for a sibling, Tommy goes to work and home again just to get up and do it all over again the next day. My mind can't wrap itself around the idea that we just don't have the money right now to go to Thailand to see our daughter. I keep telling myself that we will have the money to go and see her for her birthday. That some miracle will happen and we will be able to go. Before, when we were waiting for the travel call to bring her home, we knew it was pointless to go then. That we would not be allowed to see her then. But now.....it's hard knowing she is there, we're here and we are so much a part of each other. And quite likely that we won't be able to afford to travel there until after the new year. How do you explain that to a girl who was snatched away from us and returned to a place she never wanted to go back to....how do you tell her you can't afford to come for her 16th birthday??? My heart hurts. I want my little girl back home.
Every day brings new challenges and I can only take it one day at a time. I can only say a prayer and go on.....knowing God is in control. I only hope Brooke has that instilled enough in her by now to have hope and know she has a big purpose in the scheme of life. God must have something big planned for our family.......but in the meantime He has graciously given us peace.
