Brooke is bored. I'm pretty sure that's all there is to it. She has asked to return to us and the social worker at the orphanage wants to know what our plan is. Well the plan has already come in to play....and passed. The opportunity is gone. We leaned on our friends and family and the money we had saved, made it to Thailand, survived a month, and came home empty handed and grieving. I don't know any other way to express to Brooke that we cannot just show up back over there and entertain her for a while until she tells us to leave because she's changed her mind once again. We can't go back hoping she will follow through....again. Have we been through this recently? Yep. I don't think my heart can take it and I am becoming bitter about the whole thing. I want to tell her to grow up but I don't know if she will ever be capable of growing that far, retaining that much about the love and committment other people share. So many families, so many Moms, put everything out there in the hopes we will be loved in return. Some people are not capable of loving anyone or anything. Others love back with a fierceness. Which one are you?
I have loved and been loved in return. It's addictive! It makes you feel wonderful, on top of the world! I want to adopt again. I think Tom has been so hurt and he's just so tired that he can't go through it all again. He goes along with the things I say but I don't think he really hears them, when it's foster or adoption related. He keeps making comments about adopting one more "and just being done". Sometimes I feel the same way and sometimes I KNOW there is a child or children out there who need us and I just can't let that go. Maybe by the time I have enough money saved to adopt again we will be healed enough to move forward.....gain some ground. Foster care and adoption are ministries and the more people we touch the more children will find families....the more families will find children! You don't have to birth a child to call him or her your own. You didn't birth your spouse or friends, did you? Yet you still love your spouse (I hope!!!) and you still help your friends when they need you! Children are vulnerable creatures, and they are our next generation. What will you do to let them know you care? What will you do to take part in the next generation? Will you let them fall by the side, trampled and fading, invisible and hurting? Or will you jump in, join an organization that makes a difference, donate money and time to provide medical care or education or even love to a child who needs it? Will you be one of the few who brings a child into your home to provide love, shelter, food and family? How far can you stretch your comfy little box you're in....how far will you extend yourself to reach out to another human? For some of us (the ones in denial) we don't have time or money, we say we know we could never love someone not blood related. We like things just the way they are. But there is a hole there that only a child can fill. Fill it up! Fill it to overflowing! You'd be surprised at how your world will change.....surprise yourself by changing the world for a child who needs you. Offer yourself up to changing something for someone else. And let your heart overflow. Because if YOU don't.....who will?
Happy Songkran!
