Been watching the news? Reading Facebook? The newspaper?
What on earth is going on with this planet?! Besides all the battles and wars raging on at the moment (God be with our military men and women!), I am infuriated about these illegal "kids" flooding our nation. This is not an innocent migration of children. Some of these persons are 22 years old. Maybe I've lost my mind altogether but I thought childhood ended somewhere around 18. Doesn't mean you're all grown up at that age of majority, but it certainly means American society is ready to dump you to the wolves. Our citizens are going without, while illegals flood our states making demands and getting handouts. Where is the sense in this situation?
And they're packing our foster homes with these kids. What happened to having homes available to the kids who really need a safe place to go? Apparently our leadership is no longer concerned with the safe placement of the child being abused and neglected just right down the street.
And why are we bringing these illegal children here to foster them and then reunite them with their families? We aren't planning to reunite them in their home countries but RIGHT HERE IN AMERICA!!!
I can't see a good end to this at all. I'm speaking from experience here. As a foster parent for 12 years, I've had the opportunity to parent illegal immigrant children. Most of them were born here or came here as small children but a handful have simply strolled across the border, after being told everything in America is free. Where are they now? Running wild and free and costing taxpayers their hard-earned money. From birthing a premature baby here for the sake of birthing in America, to wrecking into a parked car (not once, but twice!), these illegal "kids" are costing our country far more than they're worth.
No, I'm not saying a human life is not worth fighting for, caring for, showing them the right direction and teaching them how to find work and become a citizen. All of those things are valuable. But show me one of them from Central or South America actually interested in citizenship and working hard just like the rest of us. Being jaded as I am now, I haven't seen one yet bent on doing the right thing.
We struggled with our foster daughter from South America, constantly bending over backward to make sure she had the tools necessary to graduate high school, the ability to get a job and look for an apartment, and the path to being a contributing citizen. As a person she was a wonderful family member, funny and sweet, often helpful and gentle with my children. As an illegal 18 year old she took off as soon as she could, knowing we couldn't stop her. Within two weeks she had been in a nasty car accident (driving without a license), prostituting and doing drugs as well. When I reported my newfound knowledge I was told this was a common occurrence with the kids coming here from Central and South America. And yet we're still letting them flood our borders. We're still welcoming them to our foster homes, reaching out, making them comfortable and going above and beyond.
They come here with lies and stories they know will break hearts and open doors. We feel empathy as we bring them home, only learning when it's too late that all those stories were simply falsehoods passed down from one child to the next to make the process more believable and easier to get in to America. Rarely do we encounter a girl who's been forced to work since she was 5 years old, no education and left vulnerable to the world. She's endured unspeakable acts done to her person and been brave enough to walk for 4 months to reach the land of opportunity. She's the girl we should be reaching out to.
It seems those times are past now. Enter the drug dealing 15 year old. Enter the 16 year old gang member. Enter the 22 year old....child? Enter the government bent on destroying itself from the inside out. What do we normally do with America's children involved in illegal activities? We put them in residential centers with therapy and education. They'll either sit there and wait or go without ..... America has more interesting children to placate now.
Friday, August 01, 2014
Monday, June 16, 2014
Lack of Identity
Probably I shouldn't write posts when I'm still going through the anger phase. Already past grieving, and on the verge of forgiveness, I am a lost woman. I am lost in the sense that I no longer feel any sort of identity. I've been a foster parent for 12 years and suddenly I no longer know who I am or what I should be doing. I wander aimlessly, doing housework intermittently and making sure my two girls get to their activities. After years of purpose in something bigger than myself I have no other work left to look forward to.
A couple weeks ago we went through an investigation for allegations of abuse regarding an adult still in foster care but not living in our home. We haven't received the official letter yet but we are aware the allegations will be unfounded. We've been through allegations before but it's never gotten to this level. It's helpful though, that this particular person has a criminal record and a history of some pretty extravagant lies. Allegations of abuse are serious, even the unfounded dog abuse allegations we suffered through years ago were no laughing matter. No one should take these things lightly and we appreciated the investigator doing her job. Burn out and lies play a heavy toll and we are no longer licensed to provide foster care.
We had considered dropping our foster care license 2 years ago. We were experiencing burn out, tired of feeling used and less than human. Tired of being damaged by the system over and over. It's not just the kids who walk away hurt and untrusting. Adults often come away from the attachment to the kids, the court proceedings, and the lies and deceit with alot less faith in the system. We experience splash-back trauma for years, and then walk back into society's version of normal life with skewed perspectives and the ability to distrust everyone around us. We've learned to manipulate and control. We've learned that families aren't forever. We've learned to rely on social workers who don't always care. But mostly we've learned to love children we never expected to love.
They've walked through our home as packaged disasters and walked away knowing what unconditional love and safety look like. They've learned that Moms cry with you when you're sad and hurt, and Dads teach you to work hard for the things you want in life. Sisters teach you how to climb trees and the real meaning behind snack and homework time. Grandparents send surprises and dish out hugs to even the most unlovable boys and girls, breaking down barriers and building a firm foundation for healthy emotions. And family means we are one unit and we work together until we trust and love and depend on each other.
I feel like an old woman reminiscing over the years, looking back on the children I've parented and the ones I've wished for. I could stay bitter just as I am now, although I know it wont last. I could hold on to the anger and frustration at the things I've lost, lash out at the person who hurt me. Or I can remember the journey and smile with a sparkle in my eye at the things I have experienced and the hearts I've held close to me. I expect to feel the loss for quite some time and I expect to feel the emptiness until something else fills the gap.
Will we ever foster again? I don't know if that road will ever circle back around. Will we go on to adopt? I'd like to think so. Certainly, we will continue saving and fundraising toward that goal, knowing there is a little boy or even brothers just waiting for us to welcome them home.
Will we ever be the same? I hope not. I want to know I've gained a greater understanding of human emotions, a different way to see the world, and the discernment to know when it's time to do something great with my life. As for my lack of identity I wonder if God is shaping me for something huge. He's instilled in me the knowledge and experience to do amazing things for Him. I've always thought of myself as "A Foster Parent". Maybe that's in the way now.
What's next for us? I have no idea. But I'll reach out and grab onto the next adventure just as soon as God says "I choose you."
A couple weeks ago we went through an investigation for allegations of abuse regarding an adult still in foster care but not living in our home. We haven't received the official letter yet but we are aware the allegations will be unfounded. We've been through allegations before but it's never gotten to this level. It's helpful though, that this particular person has a criminal record and a history of some pretty extravagant lies. Allegations of abuse are serious, even the unfounded dog abuse allegations we suffered through years ago were no laughing matter. No one should take these things lightly and we appreciated the investigator doing her job. Burn out and lies play a heavy toll and we are no longer licensed to provide foster care.
We had considered dropping our foster care license 2 years ago. We were experiencing burn out, tired of feeling used and less than human. Tired of being damaged by the system over and over. It's not just the kids who walk away hurt and untrusting. Adults often come away from the attachment to the kids, the court proceedings, and the lies and deceit with alot less faith in the system. We experience splash-back trauma for years, and then walk back into society's version of normal life with skewed perspectives and the ability to distrust everyone around us. We've learned to manipulate and control. We've learned that families aren't forever. We've learned to rely on social workers who don't always care. But mostly we've learned to love children we never expected to love.
They've walked through our home as packaged disasters and walked away knowing what unconditional love and safety look like. They've learned that Moms cry with you when you're sad and hurt, and Dads teach you to work hard for the things you want in life. Sisters teach you how to climb trees and the real meaning behind snack and homework time. Grandparents send surprises and dish out hugs to even the most unlovable boys and girls, breaking down barriers and building a firm foundation for healthy emotions. And family means we are one unit and we work together until we trust and love and depend on each other.
I feel like an old woman reminiscing over the years, looking back on the children I've parented and the ones I've wished for. I could stay bitter just as I am now, although I know it wont last. I could hold on to the anger and frustration at the things I've lost, lash out at the person who hurt me. Or I can remember the journey and smile with a sparkle in my eye at the things I have experienced and the hearts I've held close to me. I expect to feel the loss for quite some time and I expect to feel the emptiness until something else fills the gap.
Will we ever foster again? I don't know if that road will ever circle back around. Will we go on to adopt? I'd like to think so. Certainly, we will continue saving and fundraising toward that goal, knowing there is a little boy or even brothers just waiting for us to welcome them home.
Will we ever be the same? I hope not. I want to know I've gained a greater understanding of human emotions, a different way to see the world, and the discernment to know when it's time to do something great with my life. As for my lack of identity I wonder if God is shaping me for something huge. He's instilled in me the knowledge and experience to do amazing things for Him. I've always thought of myself as "A Foster Parent". Maybe that's in the way now.
What's next for us? I have no idea. But I'll reach out and grab onto the next adventure just as soon as God says "I choose you."
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Under Pressure
Ya know that feeling when you're under pressure but you can't figure out where you need to start to get things moving? Yeah.
I feel my age creeping up on me. Not in the sense that one would normally think. I don't FEEL old. But the adoption world thinks I'm getting old. In a few years it will be a fight if we want to adopt. I never thought I'd be in this posotion. Simply because my age will tell them I'm no longer fit to parent and must only be allowed to adopt older or damaged children from the US foster system.
I went through my 20's certain I wanted 7 kids. I don't know why I picked that number. We've had over 55 children through our home. But..... I have only been allowed to keep 2 of them. Most days I feel quite broken hearted over that.Where did the time go? Did I waste it somehow? We have made so many inquiries on waiting kids.....some of the kids are still waiting. But we're still waiting too. We have 3 empty beds! So why aren't they full? We have such a broken system. It's easier on my brain to think the system is more broken than I am.
I usually see breaks between placements as a time for me to heal. But this time I have had plenty of time to feel quite useless. I should've been working on adoption fundraisers but I just can't put my finger on where I should start. Somewhere in the back of my mind I already know where to start but getting there is a completely different story!
So instead I've worked on my career. I have found peace and creativity in my work, but with my very being I know I can juggle work and adoption, creating more than a career. Creating a permanent home to a couple boys who desperately need a mom and a dad, and two sisters who don't realize how much fun it would be to have brothers. I keep feeling they're out there somewhere. I have this guilt that they're waiting for me, waiting for us, to get enough of our finances together to bring them home. And yet I have so many distractions, so many things get in the way, demanding my time and attention and money. I'm glad in a way, for the distractions. I once made the mistake of searching for a child on a waiting child listing. Naturally, I found one :)
I hope this Summer will bring time and money to our lives. Not for any other reason than 2 little boys waiting to come home.......
I feel my age creeping up on me. Not in the sense that one would normally think. I don't FEEL old. But the adoption world thinks I'm getting old. In a few years it will be a fight if we want to adopt. I never thought I'd be in this posotion. Simply because my age will tell them I'm no longer fit to parent and must only be allowed to adopt older or damaged children from the US foster system.
I went through my 20's certain I wanted 7 kids. I don't know why I picked that number. We've had over 55 children through our home. But..... I have only been allowed to keep 2 of them. Most days I feel quite broken hearted over that.Where did the time go? Did I waste it somehow? We have made so many inquiries on waiting kids.....some of the kids are still waiting. But we're still waiting too. We have 3 empty beds! So why aren't they full? We have such a broken system. It's easier on my brain to think the system is more broken than I am.
I usually see breaks between placements as a time for me to heal. But this time I have had plenty of time to feel quite useless. I should've been working on adoption fundraisers but I just can't put my finger on where I should start. Somewhere in the back of my mind I already know where to start but getting there is a completely different story!
So instead I've worked on my career. I have found peace and creativity in my work, but with my very being I know I can juggle work and adoption, creating more than a career. Creating a permanent home to a couple boys who desperately need a mom and a dad, and two sisters who don't realize how much fun it would be to have brothers. I keep feeling they're out there somewhere. I have this guilt that they're waiting for me, waiting for us, to get enough of our finances together to bring them home. And yet I have so many distractions, so many things get in the way, demanding my time and attention and money. I'm glad in a way, for the distractions. I once made the mistake of searching for a child on a waiting child listing. Naturally, I found one :)
I hope this Summer will bring time and money to our lives. Not for any other reason than 2 little boys waiting to come home.......
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