We're nearly gone! We are scheduled to leave tomorrow evening! It's so exciting but I'm also getting a bit nervous. It's finally happening and we just can't believe it! Cody is excited but a bit clingy too, so I have been letting her cling to me as much as she wants. We're keeping her home from school to spend her birthday with her tomorrow.
It will be exciting to go but I'm sure to cry when I leave Cody. She has been to my mom's house for a month long stay before but it's been a couple years. I feel I've invested my entire heart and soul into her and it will be hard to kiss her goodbye, knowing it will be three long weeks before I can hold her again. But, I will soon be able to hold both of my girls!
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
Plan of Action
When "it" hit the fan last week, I thought I would never see Nok. I was sure I would never have the chance to hug her and tell her how long we have wanted her to be our daughter. It was hard, emotional, and I was just a wreck! I had cried so much my eyes looked bruised and my face was swollen. Tommy was terribly upset and had worked out a plan to go ahead and go to Thailand....only I wouldn't be coming back. No No No....he wasn't planning on getting rid of me!
Once again it comes down to money. Our agency told us "this adoption isn't going to happen. We won't be responsible for this child." All because of money. Yes, they wanted more money again. They said we wouldn't be able to go unless we paid them. We felt totally and completely stuck. They had our hearts in their hands and were mercilessly squeezing. What more could we do? We gave them what they wanted. And in return we feel as if we have bought a child from them. It's a feeling that still makes my stomach churn and I'm in complete awe that someone could get away with something like this.
For two days I cried and at the end of the second day I snapped out of it and got busy. I've learned paperwork doesn't do itself and most agencies just want money. WACAP has been absolutely wonderful and they have gone above and beyond what we expected. Encore! We are leaving for Bangkok, Thailand on Friday September 29th. The day Cody turns 7.
We've been through so much it almost seems unreal. We've been told time and again that no one should have to go through this much just to adopt a child. Especially an older child with a disability. Of course we knew this already but it helps to know people empathize with us. Shame on those agencies who "sell" children, shame on those directors whose hearts have dollar signs through the middle. But it's not over yet. We haven't even traveled yet! And there is still finalization to go through months after our return. But, I will have my daughters.
God promised He would never give us anything more than what we could handle. I think He maxed me out this past week. I have been through the fire, I'm still not shiny or shaped like a beautiful jewel, but I really don't know if I could handle anything that difficult again. Family and friends keep asking "But, there is a coup going on in Bangkok right now! There are tanks in the city and people are shooting! Will you be ok?" Yeah....we'll be fine. It's not much to worry about. What we've been through this past week overshadows any hardships we can actually see coming toward us. It's the unknown that scares me. And you can see shooting and violence any day in Denver. The only differences are there are no tanks on Denver's streets....and people actually get shot and killed in Denver!
When Tommy said he had formulated a plan, I knew what he was going to say. He had thought about it all day long while driving a silage truck back and forth, loading in the field and dumping in the pit. The monotony droned him into a plan of action. He walked in the door that night and said "Well?" I gave him the run down. It took 3 hours to cover everything that had happened. He was furious when I was done telling him what our agency had done to us. He said "I had decided we would pack as much as we could, put it in storage and apply for Cody's passport. Then I would go to Thailand with you and go through the DSDW meeting and the rest of the process. I was going to get an apartment for you and Nok and then come back home, sell as much stuff as I could and Cody and I were moving to Thailand with you and Nok for the next 2 years. Until we could come back home." It was a great plan. A lot of heart and emotion went into the making of it. A lot of sacrifice and love. That's what a "Daddy" is made of. The hard part was not knowing what was going to happen. The easy part would have been saying yes. And the part that scares me the most.....At the end of 2 years, I may not have wanted to come back.
Once again it comes down to money. Our agency told us "this adoption isn't going to happen. We won't be responsible for this child." All because of money. Yes, they wanted more money again. They said we wouldn't be able to go unless we paid them. We felt totally and completely stuck. They had our hearts in their hands and were mercilessly squeezing. What more could we do? We gave them what they wanted. And in return we feel as if we have bought a child from them. It's a feeling that still makes my stomach churn and I'm in complete awe that someone could get away with something like this.
For two days I cried and at the end of the second day I snapped out of it and got busy. I've learned paperwork doesn't do itself and most agencies just want money. WACAP has been absolutely wonderful and they have gone above and beyond what we expected. Encore! We are leaving for Bangkok, Thailand on Friday September 29th. The day Cody turns 7.
We've been through so much it almost seems unreal. We've been told time and again that no one should have to go through this much just to adopt a child. Especially an older child with a disability. Of course we knew this already but it helps to know people empathize with us. Shame on those agencies who "sell" children, shame on those directors whose hearts have dollar signs through the middle. But it's not over yet. We haven't even traveled yet! And there is still finalization to go through months after our return. But, I will have my daughters.
God promised He would never give us anything more than what we could handle. I think He maxed me out this past week. I have been through the fire, I'm still not shiny or shaped like a beautiful jewel, but I really don't know if I could handle anything that difficult again. Family and friends keep asking "But, there is a coup going on in Bangkok right now! There are tanks in the city and people are shooting! Will you be ok?" Yeah....we'll be fine. It's not much to worry about. What we've been through this past week overshadows any hardships we can actually see coming toward us. It's the unknown that scares me. And you can see shooting and violence any day in Denver. The only differences are there are no tanks on Denver's streets....and people actually get shot and killed in Denver!
When Tommy said he had formulated a plan, I knew what he was going to say. He had thought about it all day long while driving a silage truck back and forth, loading in the field and dumping in the pit. The monotony droned him into a plan of action. He walked in the door that night and said "Well?" I gave him the run down. It took 3 hours to cover everything that had happened. He was furious when I was done telling him what our agency had done to us. He said "I had decided we would pack as much as we could, put it in storage and apply for Cody's passport. Then I would go to Thailand with you and go through the DSDW meeting and the rest of the process. I was going to get an apartment for you and Nok and then come back home, sell as much stuff as I could and Cody and I were moving to Thailand with you and Nok for the next 2 years. Until we could come back home." It was a great plan. A lot of heart and emotion went into the making of it. A lot of sacrifice and love. That's what a "Daddy" is made of. The hard part was not knowing what was going to happen. The easy part would have been saying yes. And the part that scares me the most.....At the end of 2 years, I may not have wanted to come back.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Peace and Calm
Peace. It's been a peaceful weekend and we finally celebrated! It felt good to be content and at peace that we're going to Thailand and everything is working out just fine! I am making final arrangements for everything from Cody's school schedule to our domestic tickets while in Thailand!
Last night I was tucking Cody in bed and she said "Mom, when are you going to get my sister?" She knows travel is coming up pretty soon and she's been getting clingy. I assured her it would be soon and she wanted to know what day Gramma was coming to stay with her and what day we were leaving. I told her and she said "OK, good night!". This morning she comes bursting out of the bathroom (she was looking at the calendar) and says "Mom! Guess what!? GramMarcia will be here in 10 days and you are leaving to get my sister in 11 days!" Of course, I was both shocked and surprised that she knew what day today was and what day we were leaving! I had shown her once last week but didn't think she would really pay attention. But, I think in her mind she thinks we will be gone a day or two and then we'll be back. I think it will be a long three weeks......
Last night I was tucking Cody in bed and she said "Mom, when are you going to get my sister?" She knows travel is coming up pretty soon and she's been getting clingy. I assured her it would be soon and she wanted to know what day Gramma was coming to stay with her and what day we were leaving. I told her and she said "OK, good night!". This morning she comes bursting out of the bathroom (she was looking at the calendar) and says "Mom! Guess what!? GramMarcia will be here in 10 days and you are leaving to get my sister in 11 days!" Of course, I was both shocked and surprised that she knew what day today was and what day we were leaving! I had shown her once last week but didn't think she would really pay attention. But, I think in her mind she thinks we will be gone a day or two and then we'll be back. I think it will be a long three weeks......
Friday, September 15, 2006
When the Storms Pass
When will the insanity stop! I hope everything is fixed now. Every time I get happy something bad happens. We had applied for a grant quite a while back and had requested $1,000 but had actually thought we wouldn't get it. I contacted the grant agency several weeks ago and I guess they realized we were serious. They requested tons of paperwork including our home study. And that's when our problems started up again.
To make a long story short, our previous agency had some unethical practices so we left them and got special permission from the state to contract to an agency for post placement services only. Our dossier, including our home study, had already gotten state approval as well as approval from USCIS and Thailand. We were ready to go. Then, our agency had suddenly decided they wanted an outrageous sum of money for things we had paid for out of our pockets. They said they were revoking our home study. No one seemed to think they could actually do that since everything was already finished! We didn't want any trouble w/ them so we struck a deal. They called at 9pm Wednesday to negotiate and came up at 11am Thursday to update our home study and revalidate the original. We felt really good about it and they left happy as well.
Then I called the grant agency to see if we got the grant. Not only did they award it but they awarded $2,000 instead of just $1,000!!!!! I'd like to think they based their decision solely on my honesty and our great need for this money before we go! I felt on top of the world! Our plane tickets are paid for, we should be getting those paper tickets by FedEx in the next few days and will receive our updated home study sometime mid-next week. I'm still afraid to smile or be too excited but I can't help feeling happy again. We leave in two weeks.
While all of this was going on, Monday through Thursday of this week, I felt lost. I felt so hopeless and begged God to give me the faith that moves mountains. He instilled peace in my spirit but my heart still pounded and my stomach was in knots. I had gone to the church at one point to drop some stuff off and no one was there. When I entered the sanctuary I felt my Creator calling me to kneel before Him and tell Him all my troubles. I did. I knelt down and began speaking to Him and crying. I laid across the steps and I wept. For 20 minutes my spirit cried for peace and hope and when I stood up I felt like everything was going to be ok. I went on w/ my day, wondering what would happen to us but knowing in my heart it would all work out. Yesterday, I went a bit early to pick up Cody from school just so I could drop by God's house for a few moments. Again, no one was there. I knelt, this time w/ a happy heart and a peaceful spirit and I simply said "Thanks!" I told my Friend what I was thankful for and thanked Him again for giving me the faith that not only moved a mountain, but moved my spirit too. Just a closer Walk With Thee.....
When I went back out to my vehicle I turned back toward the church and smiled and said "Thanks for being home so we could talk. I enjoyed it." And He said He did too. He told me to come back soon....and He promised He'd be there.
To make a long story short, our previous agency had some unethical practices so we left them and got special permission from the state to contract to an agency for post placement services only. Our dossier, including our home study, had already gotten state approval as well as approval from USCIS and Thailand. We were ready to go. Then, our agency had suddenly decided they wanted an outrageous sum of money for things we had paid for out of our pockets. They said they were revoking our home study. No one seemed to think they could actually do that since everything was already finished! We didn't want any trouble w/ them so we struck a deal. They called at 9pm Wednesday to negotiate and came up at 11am Thursday to update our home study and revalidate the original. We felt really good about it and they left happy as well.
Then I called the grant agency to see if we got the grant. Not only did they award it but they awarded $2,000 instead of just $1,000!!!!! I'd like to think they based their decision solely on my honesty and our great need for this money before we go! I felt on top of the world! Our plane tickets are paid for, we should be getting those paper tickets by FedEx in the next few days and will receive our updated home study sometime mid-next week. I'm still afraid to smile or be too excited but I can't help feeling happy again. We leave in two weeks.
While all of this was going on, Monday through Thursday of this week, I felt lost. I felt so hopeless and begged God to give me the faith that moves mountains. He instilled peace in my spirit but my heart still pounded and my stomach was in knots. I had gone to the church at one point to drop some stuff off and no one was there. When I entered the sanctuary I felt my Creator calling me to kneel before Him and tell Him all my troubles. I did. I knelt down and began speaking to Him and crying. I laid across the steps and I wept. For 20 minutes my spirit cried for peace and hope and when I stood up I felt like everything was going to be ok. I went on w/ my day, wondering what would happen to us but knowing in my heart it would all work out. Yesterday, I went a bit early to pick up Cody from school just so I could drop by God's house for a few moments. Again, no one was there. I knelt, this time w/ a happy heart and a peaceful spirit and I simply said "Thanks!" I told my Friend what I was thankful for and thanked Him again for giving me the faith that not only moved a mountain, but moved my spirit too. Just a closer Walk With Thee.....
When I went back out to my vehicle I turned back toward the church and smiled and said "Thanks for being home so we could talk. I enjoyed it." And He said He did too. He told me to come back soon....and He promised He'd be there.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Climbing Back Out
I started breathing again although very cautiously. I think I'm afraid to be happy now...afraid something else is going to happen. By 1:15 on Thursday we had gotten a call back saying everything was going to be ok. Immigration has decided they're going to be ok with us bringing our daughter back, although we may face a bit of resistance and maybe some troubles at finalization. While we were waiting to hear back from our agency on the immigration issue, the seats for either of the flights we needed booked up very fast. We're hoping our agent calls tomorrow with tickets that fit our needs. As soon as he does I am booking them haha!
So, right now, I'm thinking of things that need to be done before we go. I made directions to all the places that would need to be visited. Just in case the people staying here need them. I am buying extra stuff like dog food, toilet paper and Mac N Cheese. Can't be running out of things like that! Making sure things are flowing well and hopefully I won't forget anything when we leave!
We received a pleasant surprise today! Nok's English teacher sent us some pictures and a nice long email about her. It was so exciting and we were thrilled to get it! Our girl is growing up so fast and we aren't even there to see it! But, we're leaving in less than 3 weeks and we'll have all that time after we pick her up to get to know her.
Cody has decided to measure herself against my height. She's decided she's as tall as my armpit. Hmmm.....could be an interesting concept. I can just see our next visit to the doctor for a checkup "Ok, Cody, step on the scale. Wonderful! It looks like you're 1/16th of your mommy's current weight! Now let's check your height. Oh my goodness! You are growing like a weed! You're already armpit high!"
Yeah, I'm in a great mood tonight!
So, right now, I'm thinking of things that need to be done before we go. I made directions to all the places that would need to be visited. Just in case the people staying here need them. I am buying extra stuff like dog food, toilet paper and Mac N Cheese. Can't be running out of things like that! Making sure things are flowing well and hopefully I won't forget anything when we leave!
We received a pleasant surprise today! Nok's English teacher sent us some pictures and a nice long email about her. It was so exciting and we were thrilled to get it! Our girl is growing up so fast and we aren't even there to see it! But, we're leaving in less than 3 weeks and we'll have all that time after we pick her up to get to know her.
Cody has decided to measure herself against my height. She's decided she's as tall as my armpit. Hmmm.....could be an interesting concept. I can just see our next visit to the doctor for a checkup "Ok, Cody, step on the scale. Wonderful! It looks like you're 1/16th of your mommy's current weight! Now let's check your height. Oh my goodness! You are growing like a weed! You're already armpit high!"
Yeah, I'm in a great mood tonight!
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Helium
Okay, I just typed this huge blog entry and lost the entire thing. I just broke down and began sobbing. I can't take this today!
You know when you blow up a balloon with helium and then pinch the end and let a bit of air escape and it makes that silly squealing noise? Well, that didn't happen to us. Someone just stabbed our balloon with a knife and popped it.
Let me go back a bit. This may take a while.
We were thrilled. I was bouncing off the walls like a kid with ADHD. I was checking into Guest Houses, exploring plane tickets, brushing up on my Thai, gathering groceries and other resources for the people who are staying here while we're gone for three weeks, running to the bank to get things notarized, racing to the post office to get things mailed....it's just been plain crazy here. And terribly exciting! We received quite a few friendly emails from Guest Houses, along with some great rates. A very nice person from one of our online Adoption groups sent the info of a travel agent near us. He was all over it! He worked late, he got us great prices and a good flight schedule....and we were preparing to book our tickets today. We were booking tickets to bring home a child we've been waiting for for 1 year and 9 months! We were anxious to know our path was there, paid for, and waiting for us to step onto it and sit for 21 hours, flying through the air at unreal speeds, unreal heights. Kinda like what we were already feeling.
Last night I was headed to the VBS reunion for the kids at our church and thought I'd better check my email just to make sure there wasn't anyone I needed to get back to right away. I had spent most of the day on and off the phone with our agency making sure things were signed correctly and this and that. I called and left a message for her reminding her we needed copies of our home study to take with us for Nok's Visa.
And then someone plunged the dull knife into my balloon. Our agency rep emailed and said something like -
Don't book your tickets yet. Your home study is expired and you will not be able to get your child's Visa without a current home study.
WhAt?!?!?!
Did they just happen to look at our home study and say "Golly-gee! It appears their home study is expired! Whatever shall we do?"
So, I went to the vehicle and got in. Drove to the VBS reunion and tried to appear thrilled to be there. I was in charge of recreation. I put on a huge smile, shouted at the top of my voice the instructions for the games, and tried my hardest to not break down right there in front of all those smiling faces and happy parents. I felt empty and numb inside.
We are not allowed to own a copy of our home study in our state. We haven't even seen the home study and we don't know when it was actually done. We had no idea this was coming but we had specifically asked about 2-3 weeks ago if all of our documents were ok and nothing was about to expire. And we were told....
yep, you guessed it "Everything is just fine!"
Obviously not.
Now we wait. I have no idea what's going to happen. I have been going through my day mechanically. get up, let the dogs out, wake Cody up, dress her, feed her, drive her to school, wave at the appropriate people, turn on my blinker, stop at the stop sign, etc. I don't remember the drive back home. I do remember thinking at one point "that light is always green when I come this way. Why did it turn red today?" I'm pretty sure I stopped on a dime. Got home, did some laundry and stared at the wall. I need someone to tell me what to think, what to do, how to smile, what to say. I can't think for myself and I have no desire to. I remember thinking a few days ago "Is it legal to be this happy?" Obviously not.
And we're back to playing the waiting game. That was fast. That little glory and victory moment didn't last long. I can't handle this stress. I just need a break.
You know when you blow up a balloon with helium and then pinch the end and let a bit of air escape and it makes that silly squealing noise? Well, that didn't happen to us. Someone just stabbed our balloon with a knife and popped it.
Let me go back a bit. This may take a while.
We were thrilled. I was bouncing off the walls like a kid with ADHD. I was checking into Guest Houses, exploring plane tickets, brushing up on my Thai, gathering groceries and other resources for the people who are staying here while we're gone for three weeks, running to the bank to get things notarized, racing to the post office to get things mailed....it's just been plain crazy here. And terribly exciting! We received quite a few friendly emails from Guest Houses, along with some great rates. A very nice person from one of our online Adoption groups sent the info of a travel agent near us. He was all over it! He worked late, he got us great prices and a good flight schedule....and we were preparing to book our tickets today. We were booking tickets to bring home a child we've been waiting for for 1 year and 9 months! We were anxious to know our path was there, paid for, and waiting for us to step onto it and sit for 21 hours, flying through the air at unreal speeds, unreal heights. Kinda like what we were already feeling.
Last night I was headed to the VBS reunion for the kids at our church and thought I'd better check my email just to make sure there wasn't anyone I needed to get back to right away. I had spent most of the day on and off the phone with our agency making sure things were signed correctly and this and that. I called and left a message for her reminding her we needed copies of our home study to take with us for Nok's Visa.
And then someone plunged the dull knife into my balloon. Our agency rep emailed and said something like -
Don't book your tickets yet. Your home study is expired and you will not be able to get your child's Visa without a current home study.
WhAt?!?!?!
Did they just happen to look at our home study and say "Golly-gee! It appears their home study is expired! Whatever shall we do?"
So, I went to the vehicle and got in. Drove to the VBS reunion and tried to appear thrilled to be there. I was in charge of recreation. I put on a huge smile, shouted at the top of my voice the instructions for the games, and tried my hardest to not break down right there in front of all those smiling faces and happy parents. I felt empty and numb inside.
We are not allowed to own a copy of our home study in our state. We haven't even seen the home study and we don't know when it was actually done. We had no idea this was coming but we had specifically asked about 2-3 weeks ago if all of our documents were ok and nothing was about to expire. And we were told....
yep, you guessed it "Everything is just fine!"
Obviously not.
Now we wait. I have no idea what's going to happen. I have been going through my day mechanically. get up, let the dogs out, wake Cody up, dress her, feed her, drive her to school, wave at the appropriate people, turn on my blinker, stop at the stop sign, etc. I don't remember the drive back home. I do remember thinking at one point "that light is always green when I come this way. Why did it turn red today?" I'm pretty sure I stopped on a dime. Got home, did some laundry and stared at the wall. I need someone to tell me what to think, what to do, how to smile, what to say. I can't think for myself and I have no desire to. I remember thinking a few days ago "Is it legal to be this happy?" Obviously not.
And we're back to playing the waiting game. That was fast. That little glory and victory moment didn't last long. I can't handle this stress. I just need a break.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Thailand - Here We Come!
3...2...1....we have a travel date!!!!!!!!!!!!! We received our call yesterday as I was driving down the road. The agency worker said "We received your child history and I am getting that ready to send to you. But....also....and this never happens at this stage.....they sent a travel date for you as well!" I had to pull off the road before I wrecked! She said we actually had a choice of dates and that never happens either. We chose the October 11th date and should be leaving around September 30th!!!! We'll be back around October 21st. I can't believe I actually got to sleep last night and for the most part slept the majority of the night. Of course I was up early this morning wagging my tail and anxious to post this so everyone knows. When she told me the great news I think I was in shock. I realize now I was blubbering nonsense and had a pretty good idea I should be asking questions but had no idea what questions to ask. So, we're exploring plane tickets, talking about finances, and planning Cody's birthday party for just right before we leave. She wanted to ride bumper cars for her birthday and we jumped at the opportunity to enjoy ourselves as well. It should be a great way to spend up some frustration and energy the weekend before we leave the country.
So, we're excited and anxious and nervous and can't wait to be on the plane headed for the next adventure of a lifetime!
So, we're excited and anxious and nervous and can't wait to be on the plane headed for the next adventure of a lifetime!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)