Plan of Action

When "it" hit the fan last week, I thought I would never see Nok. I was sure I would never have the chance to hug her and tell her how long we have wanted her to be our daughter. It was hard, emotional, and I was just a wreck! I had cried so much my eyes looked bruised and my face was swollen. Tommy was terribly upset and had worked out a plan to go ahead and go to Thailand....only I wouldn't be coming back. No No No....he wasn't planning on getting rid of me!

Once again it comes down to money. Our agency told us "this adoption isn't going to happen. We won't be responsible for this child." All because of money. Yes, they wanted more money again. They said we wouldn't be able to go unless we paid them. We felt totally and completely stuck. They had our hearts in their hands and were mercilessly squeezing. What more could we do? We gave them what they wanted. And in return we feel as if we have bought a child from them. It's a feeling that still makes my stomach churn and I'm in complete awe that someone could get away with something like this.

For two days I cried and at the end of the second day I snapped out of it and got busy. I've learned paperwork doesn't do itself and most agencies just want money. WACAP has been absolutely wonderful and they have gone above and beyond what we expected. Encore! We are leaving for Bangkok, Thailand on Friday September 29th. The day Cody turns 7.

We've been through so much it almost seems unreal. We've been told time and again that no one should have to go through this much just to adopt a child. Especially an older child with a disability. Of course we knew this already but it helps to know people empathize with us. Shame on those agencies who "sell" children, shame on those directors whose hearts have dollar signs through the middle. But it's not over yet. We haven't even traveled yet! And there is still finalization to go through months after our return. But, I will have my daughters.

God promised He would never give us anything more than what we could handle. I think He maxed me out this past week. I have been through the fire, I'm still not shiny or shaped like a beautiful jewel, but I really don't know if I could handle anything that difficult again. Family and friends keep asking "But, there is a coup going on in Bangkok right now! There are tanks in the city and people are shooting! Will you be ok?" Yeah....we'll be fine. It's not much to worry about. What we've been through this past week overshadows any hardships we can actually see coming toward us. It's the unknown that scares me. And you can see shooting and violence any day in Denver. The only differences are there are no tanks on Denver's streets....and people actually get shot and killed in Denver!

When Tommy said he had formulated a plan, I knew what he was going to say. He had thought about it all day long while driving a silage truck back and forth, loading in the field and dumping in the pit. The monotony droned him into a plan of action. He walked in the door that night and said "Well?" I gave him the run down. It took 3 hours to cover everything that had happened. He was furious when I was done telling him what our agency had done to us. He said "I had decided we would pack as much as we could, put it in storage and apply for Cody's passport. Then I would go to Thailand with you and go through the DSDW meeting and the rest of the process. I was going to get an apartment for you and Nok and then come back home, sell as much stuff as I could and Cody and I were moving to Thailand with you and Nok for the next 2 years. Until we could come back home." It was a great plan. A lot of heart and emotion went into the making of it. A lot of sacrifice and love. That's what a "Daddy" is made of. The hard part was not knowing what was going to happen. The easy part would have been saying yes. And the part that scares me the most.....At the end of 2 years, I may not have wanted to come back.