Since December we've had 7 foster kids. None have been available for adoption of course.....so we're still looking. Our homestudy is sent out on a couple sibling groups. We keep praying for the right kids....
I have learned so many lessons over the last year and a half. Patience is at the top! Our family has grown closer, and we've grown closer to our church as well. We started a foster and adoption ministry at church back in October and one family is in the process of adopting a baby, while 2 other families are seriously considering fostering and adopting from the foster system! I'm so excited that God has used me to bring home more children! What an honor to be that kind of tool!
The foster kids we have now are challenging but I feel like i'm doing my part to make the world a safer place for these kids. Just this morning my little 3 year old was singing a Christian rock song she has heard on my vehicle radio several times - "Can't get away, can't get away, I keep running into you!" I started singing it w/ her and her 2 year old sibling began singing it too! It was awesome!
I enrolled one of my foster kids in school on Friday and the bus driver remembered Brooke. She said "Oh, you had another foster kid didn't you? Brooke was her name, right?" I just said yes and smiled. It hurt too much to think of her as temporary.
This month hasn't been easy though. Weekend before last we reunified our 2 foster girls w/ their mom. We miss the older one so much. Cody came to me on Saturday and crawled into my lap and said "Mom, I miss Brooke so much." I guess I just didn't realize that letting our foster daughter go would hurt her so much. I think it was more damaging than I anticipated. Saying Goodbye to our foster daughter just broke open an old wound and made Cody more cautious about loving and attaching to people she wants to care about. She's been clingy and often cries if she sees me volunteering at school. She says "Mom, I just can't let you go. What if I loose you? What if something happens to you? I can't live without you!" The tears surface in my eyes but I push them away and take the role of solid rock. I giggle and tickle her and hug her, and I tell her I love her and if something happens to me then Dad will pick her up from school. Then I give her a huge smile and tell her I want to see her happy....I want to see her smiling and enjoying school and her friends. She usually walks away sporting the most fake smile i've ever seen.....just to make me happy. When I leave the school I usually cry all the way home. But at the end of the day when I pick her up from karate she's so excited to see me it makes me want to cry all over again.
So, I sit here, looking at postings of available children and praying God brings our kids to us soon. At the same time I'm thinking this year is going by so slowly, I wish it would go by faster. Every day brings me one step closer to bringing Brooke home.
Again.
