Today, I miss you. Yesterday, I missed you too. Tomorrow won't change the way I feel. I thought after a while the hole in my heart would heal but it's still there and only you can fill it.
I thought I would write this post to Brooke. So many posts are just ramblings but this one is for Brooke. I don't know if you'll ever read it....but it's here for you when you are able.
Today I was thinking so much about you. I think it means you must be thinking about me too, or at least I would like to believe that! I was going to close this blog and call it complete but I know it's not. This blog is an adoption story....a journey of adoption. It was meant to be yours but I think I can say it's become too big. It's become a story of our family. It started as a journey to you and I am hoping it will continue with your journey back to us. As we go along in life we're all growing and changing. You may be half a world away, but you're still so much a part of our family.....you're a daughter and a sister, a grand-daughter and a niece. Don't ever forget how much we love you! And it's not just me and Dad and Cody....it's everyone! 2 Sets of Grandparents, 5 Great Grand-parents, 20 Aunts and Uncles, 9 Cousins, and countless Great-Aunts and Great-Uncles and an extended network of more distant cousins! They are all here....loving you and waiting for your return one day.
Brooke, I don't know how I have survived this last year. God has provided my sanity because I had none of my own left! It was about a year ago that we first heard that Thailand wanted you returned to them. It was a confusing time and a heartbreaking year.......looking back over the last several months we've still been confused and brokenhearted! I would like to say we've moved on, and in a way we have, but it doesn't mean that we don't wish we could redo alot of things. We often think of ways we could have run away and taken you with us.....or gone to Thailand with you and begged them to let us keep you. At the time it was a difficult decision to make but the one we made protected us all. The decision we made separated us....and it hurt...but we knew one day we could be together again. There were just too many people against us, too many people in authority making decisions without even knowing us. Without even knowing you, without knowing or even caring what you wanted.
The world is still turning, and like i've said before, we're turning with it now. For a long time we felt stale, we felt so empty and dry inside. Without your laughter in our home Cody has had to take up for that! She has had to make us laugh so much more than before. You'd be proud of your little sister! She misses you so much too.
We hope by the time you come home that we've adopted some kids. You always said you wanted more little siblings and Cody says you taught her everything she needs to know about being a big sister. Pray for us, Brooke. Ask Jesus to bring the right kids along for our family, the right siblings for you and Cody. I love you hunny.....we miss you so much! Sleep well, study hard in school.....take good care of yourself....We love getting your letters and pictures so write again when you get the chance.
Love,
Mom
