Blur of Words

The words and images of this past week have all blurred together to make one deliriously happy person -
(me, of course!). On Monday we got the call to prepare the two interesting answers to the very in-depth, two-fold questions. I got those knocked out in less than 15 minutes and they were on their way to Thailand later that day, by fax or email. We were told not to expect to hear anything until next week. Well.......
On Thursday we received another call from our agency. I really thought it was strange and it scared me a bit to answer the phone. I didn't want my perfect week to be ruined! But it was thrilling to hear the news! We have been formally matched and received a thumbs up for approval from the board! We have some paperwork we'll need to fill out and wait for our child's history and then we should be given a date on when we need to be there. Whew!

Smiles Meant For Heaven

Okay, so today I will spend the rest of the day smiling the biggest, dummest smile I can manage. Today I received a card from my teenager!!!! I don't know whose address it is, who sent it (trying to find that part out now), and who cared enough for us to make sure it was sent to us....but it was a thrilling moment for me. So many wonderful things have been happening the last few days I feel as if my heart will explode at any moment!

I was out changing the sprinkler in our yard when I felt the mailbox nearly shouting for my attention. I looked up and sighed, and headed for it. We've been getting bills the last few days (it's that time of the month) and I really didn't want to check the mail at all. I pulled out a sale paper and brown envelope and thought hmmmm this looks like more fun than the sale paper. And then I flipped it over to read who it was from. My heart nearly stopped when I read the name at the top of the return address. Nok. I couldn't breathe! The world rocked backward for a moment and tipped sideways and then my heart kickstarted and began pounding and I rushed back to the house. When I reached the steps I thought to myself "I am going to enjoy every single moment of this. I don't know what's in it, but I know I will love it". So I took myself to my relaxing basket swing and slowly opened the envelope. A card. It's orange (I love orange) and it has a bright yellow flower with a light orange center pasted on as well as a light green leaf with dark green "veins". The stem was drawn on with a marker. A single sheet of white paper is attached to the inside with some stickers (a smiley face and a heart!) and written inside are the words:

smile
because
I
love you

from Nok

And the tears of joy and delight flowed so easily right along w/ Thanksgiving and Praise to my Creator. I lifted my face to heaven and gave Him my biggest smile and said "Thank You".

Disco Inside My Head

There's so much going on in there it sounds like what I imagine an 80's Disco would've sounded like. I can practically see the disco ball reflecting a million colors across the backs of my eyelids!

Our agency called today. It was good news, but a bit confusing. I guess Thailand has some pretty specific questions they wanted us to answer. So I got online right away and answered them! I hope by this evening or tomorrow morning our answers will be on their way by fax to a certain Thai Social Worker and then by Tuesday night (in America) they will be headed to a board meeting. We don't know what will happen next but it looks like we should be traveling sooner than we thought!

We've also been invited to an Elephant Polo Match in Thailand but I don't think we'll be traveling that soon. So many wonderful things are happening that I almost feel a bit lost in the crowd. Wait a minute....what crowd? There's no one here but me, and nothing to do at the moment, but I feel rushed and intimidated for some reason. Guess I better go clear my head. Wish me luck, cuz I'm deliriously happy! haha!

The Insane Waiting Game

Now that something is happening I feel a bit loopy with the wait. I can't help but wonder where our daughter's paperwork is at now, whose hands is it in, when will it arrive. Has it made it out of the orphanage and into the DSDW office? Has it made it from the Orphanage Director to the DSDW Director? Has it made it far enough to already be in the hands of our Thai social worker??? And then I think that there could possibly be something in her file that will make me weep, that will make me wish I had never known, something that will keep me awake long into the night wondering how I can fix it. I always felt that way as a foster parent. Opening, for the first time, the file of a child who just moved into our home. Reading, but not understanding, the horrors that child has faced in just a few short years. What has our new daughter had to go through until we found her? Will this child be different than the others? What will I see? Can I fix it? Where did this crazy idea come from? The idea that I could actually fix something emotionally troubling? I think we've been waiting for our daughter for way too long haha! Gives me too much time to think! I was talking to my mom just yesterday about how well I thrive in a chaotic environment, and she laughed and agreed that I do well. I can't handle sitting and having time to think these things out. I need to be moving and thinking on several different tracks at once.

I started a journal for our new daughter. Cody has a baby book but what will a teenager come with? I started this journal back in October 2004 and it's over halfway filled with my thoughts specific to our adopting this child. I know it won't take the place of watching her crawl or seeing her take her first step, and being able to write about that. But I hope our journal will one day provide insight for her to know how much we couldn't wait to have her home. Cody just started school and I have too much time on my hands now. It's August and we keep trying to guess when we'll be invited to travel. Will it be September or October? What week? What will be going on that i'll have to try to juggle or cancel? It's the waiting game.... still.....and it's driving me nuts!

Strange Dreams....and The Road Less Traveled

Ok, the past few nights I have been having strange dreams. I remember when I was pregnant with Cody I had this recurring dream (nearly a nightmare) that I was in labor in Russia (I was reading "The Romanovs" at the time)and everyone was speaking Russian. No one was speaking English but somehow I knew something was wrong. I was in labor for days and weeks and everyone kept speaking Russian to me! I was so confused and angry that the baby just wouldn't come and that everyone was speaking a language I couldn't understand! Now I feel that way again. I started having strange dreams a couple weeks ago and they seem pregnancy and adoption related. Confusing things happen in my dreams and people are speaking languages I just can't comprehend. I didn't really understand until about 27 minutes ago. Suddenly it came to me! The language of adoption! I was reading over some guidelines and information for what we will have to do in Thailand, and all the places we have to go and forms we have to file. There's the Passport stuff, the Visa stuff, and DSDW stuff. We have to go to the USCIS office and US Embassy, as well as the Doctor's office, and the scariest one - The DSDW office for the adoption interview. Who knows where else we will have to go. We have to make sure her paperwork is translated for the appropriate people, get copies of the appropriate forms, make sure the translations are letter for letter. We will have appointments that we have to show up for and then wait for indefinite amounts of time, and certainly something won't be quite right and we'll need to redo or show up another day for this or that. Ahhh the adoption and immigration process. And just think....there are thousands of illegals from Mexico here, they didn't have to pay much to get here.....no waiting for appointments, no long lines, no forms to fill out, no translating documents or making copies, no faxes, and no interviews to see if they meet the standards of the sending country. Actually, it makes me ill to think of it. We're doing what's necessary to add a wonderful addition to our little family, and as much as we dread the paperwork and all the fees, we know it's what we are meant to do. The Road Less Traveled. When I had Cody it was new ground, new territory. This is all brand new too. But I have the feeling, should we adopt again, it will still feel all new. A new road, one we've never been down before.

Thousands upon thousands of adoptive parents have been this way before, but we feel like adventurers. Not taking the road that's worn well, but the road less traveled. Here is an exerpt (that's a word, right?) by that famous poem by Robert Frost:

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

But really.....is the poem about the road less traveled or the one not taken? I feel as if I've traveled both....or all. And I will continue down the road until I come to another fork....another decision. This time, when I look around me, we'll be a family of 4. Someone once told me "you can't save them all." She was referring to the children in the custody of social services. I guess I can only travel one road at a time, but i'll try my best to choose the right road, because I can only choose one road. I'll always travel the road less popular, the road that leads to emotional and spiritual growth. And that will make all the difference.

Moving at a slug's pace

Yep, something is happening. We don't really know when it will happen but i'm just thrilled we are moving toward the shore of the stagnant adoption pond. After feeling like i've been running in circles for months I finally stopped, rubbed some sticks together, and lit a fire. What's on the BBQ, you ask? Social Workers, Adoption workers, and Agency Directors. If it were any other situation in life I would probably laugh at everyone around me but it's really not funny at all. Naturally, I can't help but smile though. Back on July 31st our worker was supposed to call the Thai social worker in charge of our case. She didn't call. Of course, we waited all week and couldn't stand waiting any longer before I finally emailed her on Friday. I heard something like this "No, I didn't call....blah blah blah....." and after hearing she didn't call I blocked everything else out and was a bit ticked. I think she knew that. So, she assured me she would call this week and we assumed she meant Wednesday. Well....as I have said since my teenage years being influenced by my dear old Dad "Miracles never cease!" She called! I guess they are especially concerned about not getting the appropriate paperwork yet so the director of Social Services is going to the orphanage to get it herself. THE DIRECTOR!!!! Wow. It must be serious because I was lead to believe this has never happened. We were assured of course that it would be September before the paperwork made it into the correct hands and onto us. Looks like October will be our travel month. (Huge Sigh). The worker made certain we knew it could be a matter of a couple weeks or it could be a matter of a couple months. But, at least something is happening! The pace of a slug....a snail, a turtle.....at least it's a step forward. I did learn that we've been matched. At some point someone matched our family and Nok and it was awesome to hear the words "Yes, you ARE matched" and I laughed. I suddenly felt lighthearted. I felt a connection and I hope Nok feels it too. Cody smiled at me because I was happy and she knew we'd just heard something good. After all the hoops we've jumped through, all the time we've waited, it was good to hear our daughter is only half a world away......