This is a post I had posted back at the begining of June but removed it a few days later. At the time I hadn't wanted Thailand to see it for fear they would take Brooke away before WACAP had time to find a home here in the states for Brooke. It's over a month old, but alot of people have asked why our agency didn't look for a home here for Brooke so she could stay in America and have a chance at life. They did try to find a home but ran out of time. Thailand had initially demanded Brooke's return, but no one ever knew why they didn't request she be placed in a different home here instead of returning to Thailand. Still, no one knows why it didn't happen that way. Here is the post.....
Saturday, June 09, 2007
Skipping Steps
We spoke to the founder of a group that seems to help International adoption situations. We thought there was hope. It seemed during our conversation that Plan A was to keep Brooke in our family while plan B was to locate another family in the U.S. We were excited to hear that maybe there was a chance she could stay with us. Beyond that, we would begin to locate another family instead of her being forced into returning to Thailand. At this point Thailand is currently drafting a letter with a deadline date for when Brooke must be returned.2 days ago I checked my email and found a message from our agency. Now, everytime I see their number on my caller ID when the phone rings or whenever I check my email and there is a message there from them, my stomach clenches and I suddenly feel very very sick. I've gotten to the point where I absolutely cannot answer their calls, but when I get an email from them I have to go get a drink of water and calm down before I can open the email. I proceeded through my calming steps and when I got back to my desk I opened it. Naturally, I was shocked to read that WACAP would like us to sign a release so that they may begin searching for another family for Brooke. At first I was angry. What happened to us? What happened to our family? Apparently, we just aren't good enough. The more we talked it through, the calmer we became. There is no guarantee that Thailand will allow Brooke to stay even if we find another family. But if that family is just too good to resist, maybe....just maybe....Thailand will give our daughter a second chance at life. It seems that finding another family is a step in the Hague Convention that Thailand forgot to consider. We still have hope that Brooke will be able to remain in America and continue to grow and learn. She just won't be doing it in our family.I can't express the grief we are going through now and the sorrow and heartache that the future holds for us. I can't think of words impactful enough to allow you to feel the dispair and numbness we feel every day. I cried again yesterday. I hadn't cried in a week and was actually proud of myself for it. But sometimes, the world weighs heavy on my shoulders and I just can't keep going. Sometimes, I break down and wonder if I am only a shadow anymore, or if I still exist at all. When Cody overheard me talking about another family for Brooke, she fell apart. She yelled NO! and threw herself into my arms. She is just as damaged as we are. She knows that when Brooke is gone, she will be lonely again. She will want to move her bedroom back downstairs because it will be lonely upstairs all by herself. She will once again be an only child. She will once again sit out on her swingset and stare off into the clouds dreaming of a sibling, dreaming of a playmate and someone to talk to about important things. A friend, a sister, someone to share her parents with. And once again Cody will be lonely.
No comments:
Post a Comment