Measuring Life

Hey, everyone! It's been forever and ever since I posted. We've been through so much the last several months I feel like an empty shell of a person. You know when you find a locust at the end of summer, and it's dried and hollow....well that's me. Only I don't get the chance to dry up and die. I still have to go on living....go on making dinner and helping w/ homework, tucking the kids into bed and falling into an exhausted non-sleep pattern. I still have to get up and go to work and smile at the right moments and pretend I'm happy. Pretend forever.

Are you ready for this? Are you ready to feel pain and loss? Will you grieve w/ me? Then read on.....

In February, WACAP called to say they were coming to visit. A social worker was coming to visit us. As if we didn't already have enough social workers in our lives. She said she just wanted to check to make sure everything was going ok....she said Thailand was concerned for Brooke. Brooke is our daughter. Or so we thought. We traveled back in October to bring her home after waiting over 2 years. Brooke is 15....she turned 15 in December. Brooke had never had a cake before for her birthday, nor had she ever had gifts. She had never had anyone sing Happy Birthday. She had no idea how much fun it could be! We ordered up a huge Hello Kitty cake (Brooke loves pink) and took it to youth group one night. Suddenly, Brooke had 60-something kids singing happy birthday to her! It was an amazing night.

Anyway, back to the story.

I was a bit concerned and confused that a worker was coming to visit us since I had never heard of this happening. Tom and I wondered if this was something new or if it was simply because she is the oldest to be adopted from Thailand. We figured it must be the latter.

Excuse me, I had to step away just now to watch Brooke make her first attempt at riding a bike. Her Dad just promised her that he would buy her her very own bicycle. Will she be around to ride it?

I sure do get sidetracked easily! So, anyway, the WACAP worker insisted that she would be seeing Brooke at school but she would not "need" us until the afternoon. Hmmm.....why on earth would I not be there for our child? I was at the school an hour and a half before the worker was expected from the airport. I think they were a bit surprised to see me. I have been a foster parent for years and now I have been in the shoes of a "bio parent". It was scary.

There were 3 social workers there at the school. I had arranged for a translator as well as 2 teachers, the principle and the assistant principle to be there. It was very awkward and uncomfortable and Brooke was very nervous. After a bit, the worker asked that everyone leave. We complied, as I had nothing to hide and didn't mind them questioning our daughter alone. She is an honest and sensible girl and I knew she would be ok.

They were w/ her for an hour.

My stomach began to churn as I worried about my girl. Were they invading her privacy? Were they confusing her? Were they not allowing her enough time to answer? She has Cerebral Palsy and needs alot of time to form an answer and voice it. When they came out, Brooke was smiling at me but no one else was. I hugged her and told her how wonderful she was and how smart she was. Then, I had someone take her back to class and I showed the workers to our home.

Once here, there was some small talk as we waited for Tom to get home for lunch. No one asked to see Brooke's room, nor did they really seem to care how she was really doing. It surprised me but I thought maybe they had gathered enough info to satisfy and make a report.

The worker had decided after questioning Brooke that she was safe and happy in our home. Our wonderful, smart, funny Brooke! What a sense of humor and what a smart girl! No one had ever given her credit for the things she can do! She came to us barely speaking at all, knowing no English (beyond Hello, Bathroom, and the alphabet). She could barely speak above a whisper and her sentences were fragmented and incomplete. She ate as if she were starving, could not read or write her native language, and has scars over the majority of her body. We were told she was mentally retarded w/ an IQ of 57, was not active, did not like sports, and would never learn to read or write. Workers had been concerned that she could never learn another language, she was too old to adapt, would probably not be able to function in a family, and would want to come back after a while.

Brooke is reading and writing English at a Kindergarten level, her Math is at a first grade level, she can carry on a basic English conversation and has even learned a little Spanish (which we stopped speaking in our home to accommodate her learning English w/out confusion. She learned Spanish at school). Brooke loves school! But above and beyond that, her Thai language has improved! She can carry on a conversation in Thai, outloud and in full and complete sentences! She has even learned to write a little Thai! And all of this in less than 7 months!!!

Our girls are nuts about each other! They are sisters in every way possible except they rarely argue or fight. They are very compatible and adoring of each other. And they would be crushed to loose each other. Brooke loves her Grandparents and Great-Grandparents, all of her Aunts and Uncles and cousins too! Our entire family has taken this sweet girl in and made her a permanent part of a circle of love. And she knows she is loved and doted on by every member of our unique and diverse family.